OMG OMG OMG. First time in a long time – over a month – that I have felt good. Like really good. This is the second day in a row. I have energy and I woke up with no pain. I did have a splitting headache all night and trouble sleeping, but compared to how I normally feel this is nothing. I am in such a great mood and so happy to feel like a normal person again.
But with that comes a slight fear. I feel so good that I want to run around and do things and see people that I haven’t seen in a while. And then I think to myself that I really need to try to not overdo it. Because we all know the consequences of overdoing it. It is easy to set yourself right back to where you started from and have the ugly cycle repeat itself. I definitely don’t want to go down the evil path of flares because of self-inflicted things. I have tried to explain this to Mr. and he is pretty patient with me and easy going about not forcing me to do things. Sometimes I almost feel like lying a little bit about how I feel so that I am not expected to do things that I am feeling fearful about. That seems rather unfair of me, but I feel like such a killjoy all the time turning down offers to do things and go out that sometimes I feel that the only reasonable excuse is to say that I don’t feel good rather than say I am scared of what the consequences of going out will be on my body.
I still haven’t quite figured out what my limits are. And what sets off the flares. And how much activity I can take when I do feel decent.
In the meantime, I will enjoy feeling good and I will try to not overdo it with my excitement. I will hope that I can wake up every day feeling so good and also remember what it is like to not feel so great. And I will be thankful.